“Soak up every moment. Time flies with kids.”

I heard this so often when my first child was a newborn that it started giving me anxiety.

Instead of simply enjoying my baby, I became the Mommy paparazzi. I took endless pictures and videos, desperate to capture everything before it disappeared. I was so afraid of time “flying by” that I stopped fully living in the moment.

The advice came from well-intentioned parents with older children. It was so many of them I assumed they had to be right and I must be the naive one.

Yes, there’s truth in it. Time does move quickly.

However, just because something is a shared sentiment

doesn’t mean it has to become your reality.

One day at Costco, I noticed a mom of a teenager watching my toddler and me interact. There was a wistfulness in her eyes. She was reliving her own memories while watching us create ours.

That moment taught me something important: yes, these seasons pass, but they don’t disappear. We carry them with us.

Maybe I didn’t need to be the Mommy paparazzi after all.

That realization eased some of my anxiety but not all of it.

The pressure didn’t just come from “time flies.” It also came from another common phrase: “Enjoy every moment.”

That’s terrible advice.

I deeply love being a mom. I’m the kind of mom who genuinely doesn’t want much of a break from my kids. I want the snuggles, the chaos, the laughter, the hard conversations… the full experience.

But do I enjoy every moment?

Absolutely not.

I did not enjoy sleep regressions.
I do not enjoy functioning on too little sleep while trying to regulate my own emotions and theirs.
I do not enjoy being exhausted and reminding myself that I still have to “be the adult.”

Not every moment is enjoyable.

Almost every moment can hold gratitude though.

Maybe the better advice is this:

You may not enjoy every moment, and that’s okay.

I hope you can feel grateful for every moment.

Ironically, what finally lifted much of my tension around time came from a neuroscientist.

She’s a real one with a Ph.D. and a leadership role at a respected university.

One summer, I made an offhand comment, “Summer is basically over.”

She looked at me, confused.

“No, it’s not,” she said. “There’s still plenty of summer left.”

She went on to remind me just how much time remained, and suddenly, I realized something:

Time is relative.

The story we tell ourselves about time shapes how we experience it.

Yes, I know my “18 summers” with my kids at home will pass faster than I’d prefer. I love having them home. I’m never excited for the school year to start personally. (Though professionally, I admit it’s easier to make progress in my business when school is back in session.)

My time with them doesn’t have to fly by.

I don’t have to enjoy every moment.

What I can do is live fully in the moment I’m in, grateful for the time I have.

My deepest hope isn’t just to soak up these 18 summers.

It’s to build such deep relationships with my children that I don’t only get 18 summers with them…

I get a lifetime of summer moments.

With my adult kids.

That feels like something worth slowing down for.

Note: Do you see that woman in the background? That’s my mom. She and I still create many memories together. She set an incredible example of building a relationship with me, and my hope is to do the same with my kids.